The Hippie House: The Things We do for (Peace,) Love (, and Understanding.)

(I knew somebody who would mumble "D*mned Hippies" every time he passed this house, and the title of this post is dedicated to him.)

Pasadena has its famed craftsman bungalows, Brooklyn has its brownstones, New Mexico has its adobe houses, Cape Cod has its Cape Cods, Aspen has its gingerbread-colored Victorians, and here, in Eugene, we have this:

Front View

Side View

Angle View

In these times when housing wonks (such as myself) are trying to figure out if we have hit the bottom of the housing market, a prospective buyer has an immense amount of very attractive options. All of a home's features and amenities are considered and called into question, such as: "Is there a bathroom remodel?" "Is there a kitchen remodel?," "Is there an en suite bathroom?," "Is there RV parking?," "Is there a pool?," "Is there forced air heating?," "Is there asbestos?," "Is there lead paint?," "Does it have a popcorn acoustical ceiling?", and so on and so forth.

Somewhere toward the middle of this long list, there is the uncommonly asked yet exceedingly important question, "Does the home's exterior appear as if it was painted by a group of hippies who just returned from frolicking naked in the mud at Woodstock (like a bunch of very happy pigs)?," to which any previously interested and glowing prospective buyer must sheepishly and quietly answer "yes."

I have done my share of painting, and this is indeed a masterpiece. Painting a house one color is enough of a pain in the *ss, but it must be WAY easier than painting a pattern such as this through the different planes of each individual piece of siding. In other words, this paint job, unlike the peeling paint on the south side of my house (on which I'm still struggling to find the semblance of the Blessed Virgin Mary), is no accident nor was it the result of neglect or slothfulness. This is as intentional as it is impressive.

In my limited life experience, I can think of the following reasons one may choose to paint their home in this manner:

1. The owner lost a bet.
2. The owner came home drunk, thought this would be a good idea, started painting, passed out, then woke up the next morning and said to themselves "What the hell, let's just keep on goin'!"
3. Rainbow Brite is a deep and dominant aesthetic influence on the owner.
4. The owner lives in Eugene.

Considering the times we are now in, and all of the calls for regulation to mitigate the unforeseen negative consequences of myriad forms of "irrational exuberance," I feel the need to suggest to some higher authority a few safeguards to avoid something like this from occurring in the future:

1. Mandate that licensed and bonded painters be older than nine years old.
2. Encourage owners to "imagine you're looking at the outside when you are actually on the inside!"
3. Slip a "owner shall not paint their house like the back drop of a 'Care Bears Very Special Easter Special Episode'" clause into neighborhood association bylaws.
4. Require a pee test for purchases from the paint department of the Home Depot.