Fox News vs. Eugene

For the three or so people that may follow this blog, sorry for the delay in posts.  I've been accumulating pictures and am gearing up for new posts.

In the meantime, check out the fight between Fox News and Eugene (more accurately, The Register Guard).

I'm surprised it took Fox News this long to find Eugene, as it has long been known that we are on the front lines of The Culture War.

Original Story:


http://www.registerguard.com/web/newslocalnews/26464896-57/council-pledge-eugene-funds-george.html.csp

Fox News Story:

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2011/06/28/compromise-on-pledge-allegiance-in-oregon-town-has-some-seeing-red/?test=latestnews#

R-G Story That Followed:

http://www.registerguard.com/web/updates/26468068-55/pledge-council-decision-eugene-fox.html.csp

"I've always dependend on the kindness of strangers--uhm sorry that kindness got you arrested."

This post dates back to March of this year, when Oregon was making national news not only for the conduct of its football team in the off-season, but also for this strange case of "criminal kindness," as illustrated on the front page of the local paper:

Some people are rude, some people are indifferent, some people are nice, and then some people try so hard to be nice that you want to throttle their throats and tell them to get a reasonable grasp of the world we live in by following the national news or occasionally driving outside of Oregon. The latter group of people are those who live in Eugene. Apparently the police officer who arrested this guy feels the same way, as an altercation ensued when he caught this "parking meter fairy" plugging the meters of strangers in an effort to ease the pain brought on by the recent recession. Read all about it here:

http://www.registerguard.com/csp/cms/sites/web/news/cityregion/24428709-41/bond-jury-case-parking-wiswall.csp

???

Unlike posts with my usual meandering verbosity, here I merely offer a photo. Perhaps this perplexes even me, perhaps I'm lazy. Either way, you win. Here's a guy dressed up like god-knows-what, walking around towing around a boom box. Par for the course in Eugene. Feel free to comment and offer your theories for what is going on.

The Battle for Your Soul on the Streets of Downtown Eugene

Eugenians' generally preferred disposition is that of the peace-love-and-happiness-hippie-house-painting-type already described earlier in this blog. But, when the oft-recreational-drug-induced state of oneness with all of nature and mankind is unable to be conjured, an acceptable substitute for most Eugenians is the state of disgruntled anarchist (and often incendiary [in the most literal sense of the word]) protester. Pretty much every day one can find protesters of all shapes and sizes gathering at city hall--and other places around town--disseminating their message.

I am currently very far away from Eugene, so I will have to use my background in the fine arts to present a visual approximation of this daily sight:



Something that compounds this white-knuckle drive for near-constant protest is the unique relationship between frequent residents of the downtown Eugene and the Eugene Police Department. Occasionally, this unique relationship can ascend higher up into the ranks of municipal government, to the extent that a former mayor of Eugene referred to the city as "the anarchist capital of the United States." (Jim Torrey, 1999)

A Scene from Seattle 1999 WTO Protests, Blamed on Eugene Residents

Just a couple of years before the WTO protests shown above, Eugene itself had its own smaller-scale experiment with civil disobedience when several old trees in downtown were slated to be cut down to the chagrin of local residents. Events unfolded something like this:

Given this general atmosphere, it is no wonder how a relatively peaceful Saturday evening could be peppered to include the very public display of one's personal convictions. Such was the case a few Saturday nights ago, when a break from work enabled me to witness this interesting scenario.

In a nation which largely identifies itself as Christian, delivering such a message in a public placed might be embraced--underscoring for passersby their own deeply held religious convictions. Such was not the case, however, in our city of Eugene. As the company trolled through the streets of Eugene, hoping to resonate with some of the downtown residents, they were followed by some of these residents, politely offering an alternative viewpoint on improvised protesting signs made out of cardboard.

Here are some pictures of how things unfolded:

How Many Bong Hits Does it Take for YOU to Think You are Georgia O'Keefe?

I came across this gem on Craigslist way back in 2005. Needless to say, the moment I saw it, I immediately bookmarked it, and now I present it to you. You may notice that the pics of the described art are not actually shown in this screen capture. This is because not only do I want to respect the intellectual property rights of the artist, but also, because this is a family blog and I don't want to get a bunch of letters from concerned parents. In addition, I believe that you can imagine the quality of the art based on the verbal description. Okay, okay... if you are still curious about what it looked like, you can roughly reproduce it by tying a paintbrush to the underside of one of your pets (if you don't have a pet, use a friend's), dipping the brush/pet in paint, placing the pet over a canvas, and changing color every few minutes, depending on the age and activity level of your pet.

The last paragraph was created and read in vain. Could anything really prepare the reader for this?:

I've never heard use of the adjective "orginal," but I have to say that from a phonetic standpoint alone, I am very intrigued. When I read this, I often wonder the thought process through which the asking price was determined. (I would kill to have a transcript of that process.) All we know for sure is that, after pitching these pieces so hard in the description, in the end, the asking price was placed somewhere between the cost of the blank canvas itself and the cost of buying a glossy poster of those dogs-playing-poker-paintings at Walmart. And that doesn't even take into account what the artist would actually take for it, assuming the asking price was the opening gambit, as is the case with anything bought or sold on Craiglist. But then, what does that say about one's feminist credentials, if one were to bargain for a painting representing "how all women are bruised by societies [sic] actions" or one depicting the very "warm" feminine organ which bore us all? Oh lord, my head is spinning... Is this what they meant by a "thoughtful home?"

Holding Pattern

Somebody asked if I'd posted a new blog post the other day, to which I was about as surprised as if having been asked if my udders had been drained recently at the prospect of having "followers." It's been a busy time, and a post has been overdue, but the good news is that the backlog is growing. Stay tuned for future posts about Sarah Palin's and my Friday night together (100 yards apart, which considering she's from Alaska, is pretty much face-to-face), being criminally considerate enough to make national news, photo additions to the "Winnabacycle" post, and The Battle for Your Soul on the Streets of Downtown Eugene. In the mean time, enjoy the weather and join a drum circle.

The Hippie House: The Things We do for (Peace,) Love (, and Understanding.)

(I knew somebody who would mumble "D*mned Hippies" every time he passed this house, and the title of this post is dedicated to him.)

Pasadena has its famed craftsman bungalows, Brooklyn has its brownstones, New Mexico has its adobe houses, Cape Cod has its Cape Cods, Aspen has its gingerbread-colored Victorians, and here, in Eugene, we have this:

Front View

Side View

Angle View

In these times when housing wonks (such as myself) are trying to figure out if we have hit the bottom of the housing market, a prospective buyer has an immense amount of very attractive options. All of a home's features and amenities are considered and called into question, such as: "Is there a bathroom remodel?" "Is there a kitchen remodel?," "Is there an en suite bathroom?," "Is there RV parking?," "Is there a pool?," "Is there forced air heating?," "Is there asbestos?," "Is there lead paint?," "Does it have a popcorn acoustical ceiling?", and so on and so forth.

Somewhere toward the middle of this long list, there is the uncommonly asked yet exceedingly important question, "Does the home's exterior appear as if it was painted by a group of hippies who just returned from frolicking naked in the mud at Woodstock (like a bunch of very happy pigs)?," to which any previously interested and glowing prospective buyer must sheepishly and quietly answer "yes."

I have done my share of painting, and this is indeed a masterpiece. Painting a house one color is enough of a pain in the *ss, but it must be WAY easier than painting a pattern such as this through the different planes of each individual piece of siding. In other words, this paint job, unlike the peeling paint on the south side of my house (on which I'm still struggling to find the semblance of the Blessed Virgin Mary), is no accident nor was it the result of neglect or slothfulness. This is as intentional as it is impressive.

In my limited life experience, I can think of the following reasons one may choose to paint their home in this manner:

1. The owner lost a bet.
2. The owner came home drunk, thought this would be a good idea, started painting, passed out, then woke up the next morning and said to themselves "What the hell, let's just keep on goin'!"
3. Rainbow Brite is a deep and dominant aesthetic influence on the owner.
4. The owner lives in Eugene.

Considering the times we are now in, and all of the calls for regulation to mitigate the unforeseen negative consequences of myriad forms of "irrational exuberance," I feel the need to suggest to some higher authority a few safeguards to avoid something like this from occurring in the future:

1. Mandate that licensed and bonded painters be older than nine years old.
2. Encourage owners to "imagine you're looking at the outside when you are actually on the inside!"
3. Slip a "owner shall not paint their house like the back drop of a 'Care Bears Very Special Easter Special Episode'" clause into neighborhood association bylaws.
4. Require a pee test for purchases from the paint department of the Home Depot.

Winnebacycle

Eugenians really dig alternative transportation. When I first moved here, I wondered about that french fry smell every time a Mercedes Benz diesel drove by and I much later learned about the whole BioFuel thing. Eugene seemed to be a couple of decades in front of that trend.

Eugenians also really like bicycles. Most of my neighbors bike to work and the street next to mine is actually closed off to cars--it's a dedicated bike "lane" (city street). There is an extensive system of bike trails that will take you anywhere in town and people don't look at you funny if you show up to work all sweaty and with a big line of mud that runs up the back of your pants ("Dude, I should have known that tofu was bad!"). In fact, they kind of look at you funny if you don't.

So I was driving today and I bump into the most interesting and rarefied of vehicles. I had seen this around town but had taken no notice previously. I assumed it was some sort of food kiosk or something of that sort. Well, I was wrong. This is no less than a solely man-powered fully mobile RV (you've heard of the "horseless carriage," but have you heard of the "manful 1 br"?). If Mr. Winnebago and Ms. Recumbent Bicycle had offspring, it very well may resemble this. I would apologize for the substandard quality of these photos, but since it's now illegal to use your phone while driving, I'll just say you are lucky to be seeing this at all, if you haven't already.

They say the RV industry has crashed, but for the industry of this man, who got a remarkable amount of life out of aluminum tape and reflectors, he is able to cruise in style.

Approaching the Winnebacycle:

(Note: parked car=no blur, moving van = blur, Winnebacycle = no blur)

The curtains are drawn, so somebody must be home.

"I'm bad ass enough that I made a skull design out of plexiglass and aluminum tape. Woe unto thee who sees The Skull in their rear view mirror going 3 miles per hour."

Yippie!!! Have fun falling on your *ss! Yippie!!!

I am fairly ambivalent on putting this up. If only people from the East Coast could read this, it would probably be more successful.

So, last winter we actually had a lot of snow here in Oregon. So for a place that basically gets no snow that sticks, I don't mean a little snow, what I mean is a lot of snow. Like, this much snow:

Car-Shaped Snow Sculpture

So, when it does snow, we respond appropriately, being the West Coasters that we are: we act really stupid. We crash our cars into things by applying the accelerator or brakes at less-than-ideal times, we fall on our *sses on sidewalks while wearing flip-flops, we crash our bicycles, our hopes for imminent world peace are rekindled, etc. Here's some photographic evidence of at least one of these things:

Evidence: (Note: 1. California plates. 2. This is an all-wheel drive vehicle. 3. The road is not sloped. [Though the camera angle is, perhaps b/c I was in flip-flops.])

We also respond by writing signs like this: (Apparently the person in charge of public safely in this store is not from the Bronx, or maybe he/she just gets all giddy when they imagine lawsuits arising from fractured tail bones.)

Play Quarter Notes, get US dollars, dinner, beer, and free puppet show

So, as a musician, it's pretty rare to play your instrument and get paid in US Dollars. It's even rarer to get paid in US Dollars and also get compensated for your efforts with a bottomless beer pitcher. It's exponentially rarer to get paid in US Dollars, rewarded with a bottomless beer pitcher, and, for all of those awesome quarter notes you played, get comped a dinner from a restaurant that doesn't suck. However it's really a once-in-a-career moment--even spanning several careers--when you play your instrument and are compensated in US dollars, rewarded with a bottomless beer pitcher, given a nourishing dinner for your wonderful use of quarter notes, and are given a FREE PUPPET SHOW for the duration of your performance in a public setting.


We are rich, we are lucky, we are residents of Eugene, who see stuff like this all the time--so much so, that it doesn't strike us as odd when it happens.

Note: I couldn't bring myself to ruin the beauty of this moment or to jeopardize the feeling of enchanted gratitude emanating from the musicians to the puppet operator by obnoxiously snapping a picture of high quality. For this reason, the details in the photo are blurry, so I have labeled them so you can see them clearly. I hope you enjoy this as much as the musicians most certainly did. It goes without saying that if we all had a little furry Kermit-esque muse to inspire us in our daily lives, the world would be a better place, for certain.